Opposite Machine

If you have access to the Internet, please email oppositemachine at-symbol gmail dot com (please replace at-symbol with  @ and dot with .)

Call or text 504-756-1597.

Leave your troubles at the tone.  Recall the refrain, “put all your troubles in the Opposite Machine.” Ready yourself to be surprised. Relieve yourself of as much or as little as you please.  For full throttle effect, don’t hold back your burdens.

You may (as in times of yore) keep it simple and label them “my troubles” and that’d be plenty. Only your first name is requested.

You will receive an Opposite from an Operator via text message or email within approximately 31.4 hours (the hourglass in the Machine is not precise, as time is squishier and spiraling in the Machine).

Once upon a time in a parade long long familiar, there was a magical contraption that turned not gold to lead. And, yet this machination of miracle yielded smiles from disbelief, churned mirthquakes from earthquakes, and cranked pink from hues of grey.

One simply placed their troubles (aligned with infinite omniscience, some say, or the magic just knew, others spake), so then, a reveller-in-distress might place a  ticket simply reading: MY TROUBLES) in the palm of the Opposite Machine, and release was instantaneous.

It was said that the machine was always personned by a human with a childlike divine spark. (Legends say even the grumpiest gringe would transform to wondrous wizard in the servitude of the Opposite Machine, as all contain  diamond buried under drek.)

As rare as a unicorn for many dark ages, the Machine re-appeared after the death of a faerie princess in the year 2007 (who should doubt if she really was, since every extraordinary ordinary person holds and may nurture the seed to their sovereign royalty). The Machine spread cheer through a tumultuous terrain where a nation’s rivers braid, and then converge into a mighty Mississippi.

The reports tell of a Machine of Opposite sorts was sighted also this Easter 2008 in a people’s parade devoted to unity along a  divide. One witness declared that after receiving her Opposite, which for her particular was a glade green fuzzy (very similar in texture to what mortals know as a pom-pom), four minutes later, her eyes graced and her toes crossed a four-leaf clover.

Another boy wished for a balloon-like penguin he envisioned riding said Machine. (Which is highly probable, as that may certainly be an Opposite to the legends of a fluffy Easter bunny.) His wish was granted, and a larger-than-boy penguin toy was his.

Thus the currents of this age have called forth the Opposite Machine in all its myriad forms, parade and parody, immediate and Internet.

p.s. The faerie prince (partner-muse to the princess) was said to also be bard, and he immortalized reverberating recollections of the Opposite Machine in song. The phrase, “put all your troubles in the Opposite Machine”, harkens to the ancient arias of the Machine sung in all space-times

p.p.s. There are many stories and songs and supposed sightings of the Opposite Machine, this is only one verse. If you know of other tellings, please share your thread of the weave.